Naru sat on the slide, thinking about Nephrite. “I wanna see Nephrite…” Naru whispered, a tear forming around
her eyes. Then from the corner of her eye, she spotted Usagi skipping toward her. Umino was tagging along behind her.
“Hey, Naru,” Serena called.
“Yo, Naru, babe!” Melvin greeted, leaning dangerously close to Molly. “What’s shakin’?”
Steam poured from Naru’s ears and her eyes turned blood red. “BUG OFF, JERK!!!” she cried, punting him an
incredible distance away. Then she turned back to normal and calmly resumed her ‘poor little me’ act. Usagi kept her
distance from her in fear of joining Umino somewhere in the South Pacific. “I… I just wanna see Nephrite again… I love
him so much…” Naru repeated, her annoying NA voice turning into a horrifying wail that resembled Usagi’s own.
“Hey… that’s MY wail!!!” Usagi cried. She pulled her Moon Scepter out from nowhere and began whacking Molly on
the head. “It’s mine! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!”
“Will you just SHUT UP for a minute?” Getting serious for once, Molly sighed.
“Wha- Hey, wait a second, you can’t say that to me! I’m the Moon Princess!”
“Yeah… right… and I’m the president of the United States. Why do you have Sailor Moon’s scepter anyway?
You’re not supposed to have it until the next season!”
“Yeah? So? You’re not supposed to know Maxfield Stanton is really Nephrite!”
“Oh yeah, I meant, I wanna see Maxfield what’s-his-face…” Naru got up, and started running to who-knows-where,
for no reason really, but only because it told her to in the script.
“Ha! This means I’m right! Nyah-nyah, I’m right and she’s not…” Serena sang to herself as the two authors
appeared beside her.
“Right about what?” Michelle asked as she came into the story.
“You’re never supposed to be right, remember?” Cheryl reminded, showing her a piece of paper. “See, it’s in
your contract.”
“Doh!” Serena cried, then stalked off to sulk somewhere.
“Hey! You! HURRY UP and MOVE YOUR LAZY BUTT to the next scene already! Nyah!” the two cried to Naru.
She could hear the two awful authors’ voices yelling at her. “Hey! Who asked you?!?!” she shouted, and began
hurling tomatoes at them.
“Hey!” (splat) “Ouch! Wait!”
(splat) “Quit that!!!” The voices started getting distant…
“FINALLY!!!” Nephrite rubbed his palms together in anticipation as he saw the cameraman turning the lens
towards his throne. He held the kuruzuishou in the air. “Now I can finally use this crystal in front of everyone to
find the ultimate secret hidden inside it…” He read the words inscribed on the crystal: BREAK CRYSTAL TO FIND
INSTRUCTIONS. He dropped the crystal on the floor, gracefully, just like the producer had told him to do, and the
crystal broke into a million pieces. Nephrite groped through the dark pieces of glass and found a paper neatly folded
inside.
It read: “How to Fix Crystal”. Nephrite looked it over quickly. “1.) Shatter crystal into a million pieces.
IMPORTANT: If crystal is not shattered into exactly one million pieces, i.e. one million and one pieces, then
crystal cannot be fixed."
At this point, Nephrite got down on his hands and knees and picked up one of the pieces. “Let’s see… one…” He
picked up another, and palmed it gently. “That’s two…”
Six hours passed, and Nephrite was still picking up the pieces. “Eight thousand nine hundred, seven hundred
and forty three… Eighty nine thousand and four hundred and seven…”
Zoicite popped in mid-air, watching Nephrite. “What the…” he sputtered, as he watched him count the pieces.
“Seven hundred fourty-four thousand, nine hundred and forty five…”
“Nephrite, what are you doing?”
“Oh, shut up and go away, Zoicite!” he snarled. “Six hundred and nine thousand, seven hundred and forty six…
Four hundred and five thousand, seven hundred and ninty…”
“Is that- er, was that your star crystal? Why did you break it into a million pieces?”
Nephrite looked up. “You mean there really are exactly one million pieces here?” he asked.
Zoicite scratched his head. “I don’t know… why?”
“Argh…” Nephrite went back to his work. “Eight hundred and nine thousand, seven hundred… er, five hundred…
and… and…” Nephrite frantically beat himself on the head, trying to remember what number he was on, knocking some
pieces out of his hands in the process.
“Introducing…” Zoicite began, watching Nephrite cry in agony. “…The new power machine… called the Zoi®
Counter 2000!” Suddenly a huge machine fell from the sky, knocking Nephrite flat.
“But… but… I was TALKING…” Nephrite managed to say before collapsing over the fact that he was being ignored.
“Ah, who cares.” *After I count the pieces of the crystal, it will be MINE!* “Here, I’ll lend it to you…”
“Really?” Nephrite conscious again, brightened all of a sudden at this supposedly-good news.
“But of COURSE!!!” Zoicite beamed, partially to himself. “We’re FRIENDS, aren’t we?” he said, with fingers
crossed behind his back. He started helping Nephrite gather the crystals into the machine. But during the process,
Zoicite managed to hide one of the crystal pieces, grinning wickedly.
The counter beeped as it worked. “18,965… 240,337… 715,214… aha, there, 999,999,” Zoicite reported.
“But… but… that’s IMPOSSIBLE!” he cried. “Now I’ve got to shatter another piece…” Before Zoicite could say
anything, he stepped on a piece, breaking it into 5 more pieces. “Uh-oh…”
Zoicite stepped forward. “Here, let me help… oops,” he said, as he stepped on another piece, breaking it
into 5 more pieces.
Nephrite turned pale with shock. “But… but… I… NO!!!” he shouted. Strickened, he banged his fists on the
floor, causing a cave-in in the caverns below. “This can’t be! NO!!!”
Zoicite rolled her eyes as he watched the sobbing Nephrite. “Um… Nephrite…”
Both failed to notice the screams of pain from the youmas below.
“One million and seven shards of worthless crystal! This can’t be!”
“Nephrite, I can help you fix the pieces…”
“You CAN?” Nephrite beamed. “How?!”
“Well, for ONE thing……..” Zoisite pondered for a second. “…you can start with letting my youmas kidnap
that annoying……Naru girl.”
“Oh, go ahead!” Nephrite gleefully yelled. “Though I don’t see any connection there.”
“Okay, you said so……..” Zoisite grinned evilly to himself and moved on, thinking how stupid Nephrite was.
He cast a sleeping spell on Nephrite, who fell with a sign that read, ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ on it, and smirked.
“…Say, what happened?” Nephrite woke up with a start, and found that he had been sleeping on the ground
right next to a bed.
“Oh… Maxfield…” said the redhead on the bed in a frightening seductive tone.
Nephrite was horrified beyond his wits and backed away. Fortunately for him, she was SLEEPING. “Eeew!”
He dusted his hands off for some seconds, and pondered hard about what he should do. “Oh…” a light bulb appeared
in his head, and Nephrite stared at it (Michelle: Is that physically POSSIBLE?!) to admire his ‘beauty’. “I’m too
beautiful to die, and to think that today is my last episode…” The authors heard this, and started discussing the
subject. Then he took out the kuruzuishou from the dimensional poscket and started poking Naru. “Hey! Psst!
Wake up!”
“Uh… what?” Naru woke up, yawning, and saw a dark figure behind the curtain. “Who’s there?!” Naru
asked, scared.
“I am…” Nephrite began to say, when a mallet suddenly appeared out of nowhere into Naru's hands.
"You... PERVERT!!!" she cried, malleting him out the window and off the balcony.
"Dahhhhhhhh......"
“Hey! What the…” Nephrite tried to protest as he landed but the two authors appeared before him and
whacked him unconscious. “Cool…” They both smirked evilly and dragged him off to that abandoned café a scene
was supposed to be made at.
MEANWHILE…
“…It’s a guy from the Acme Service to tell you about this really, amazing secret!” A guy with a cap
on continued. He had appeared to hand Naru the mallet, then turned to speak to her quickly. “Did you know
that Maxfield Stanton is actually Nephrite?”
“Um, no…” Naru was puzzled, wondering why in the world she had to wake up from her sweet sleep to
listen to this weird guy. She hated it when the authors did that.
“Did you know that I’m from the Acme service? Did you know that Zoisite is gonna come and try to
kidnap you so Nephrite can come and rescue his crystal’s last piece? Did you know that Nephrite is really
evil, but he was about to proclaim that he turned good because of you? Did you know-"
“WHAT’S with all this crap about this Acme guy and all?! I was gone to the bathroom for only a mere
second, and what happens? Jibberish!” Michelle irritably kicked Cheryl out of the chair, who was moaning
over the fact that she did not get to write ‘Did you know that Cheryl-sama is a lot cooler than Michelle-sama?’
“Ready?” Zoisite looked at the three youmas, then left.
“Okay… did any of you get what that stupid jerk just said?” one of them asked.
“I think we…kidnap that red-haired brat down there?” the ugliest one of them all scratched her head,
and whacked Michelle for calling her ugly.
“What ‘ya whacking the beautiful author for?” the third one asked, trying to get some credit from the
almighty author. “She is soo right! You ARE ugly!!” Cheryl immediately took it upon herself to begin strangling
the youma for saying such a horrifying thing about Michelle.
“Hey, it’s not like us three look any different from the other! Just different color…AND fashion taste…
of course, I have the coolest taste in clothing,” the red one said, trying hard to avoid contact with her team.
Michelle turned red and began malleting the youma, who was doing fashion poses as others sweatdropped.
“Well, I happen to have the greatest hair of all of us at the moment…” the blue one dreamily sighed and
got the crap beaten out of her by everyone.
“What? Already?” Naru woke up, as the noise on the rooftop was getting a lot louder. She looked outside
and saw three youmas fighting, looking VERY upset at each other. The sight of those three reminded Naru of what
the Acme guy from earlier had said…
‘Zoisite is going to kidnap you so that Nephrite can come and rescue his crystal…’
“I get it!” she snapped her fingers in delight. “So if I get kidnapped, I’ll get to see Nephrite!” she
climbed onto the rooftop, and faced the youmas.
“Well, here I am!” the youmas sweatdropped. “Now kidnap me already!”
“Eh..aren’t you…supposed to be sleeping?” the pink one flipped through the script and pointed out.
“Yeah, but you guys were too slow. Now move it!’
The youmas stared at each other, and Naru, then back at themselves again. They all scratched their heads.
“Can we just go against the script like this?”
“I dunno, I guess. I mean, it’s not like this fanfic is ever going according to the original script…”
“You guys are gonna carry her, right? She looks heavy, and I’ve had backaches lately.”
“I dunno…”
While the three youmas were consulting this matter among themselves, Naru was tapping on her foot,
patience not being in her nature. “Well, you gonna take me or what? I want to hurry and make Nephrite promise
he’ll treat me to Chocolate Parfait!”
“What do you guys think? Retreat?” The other two nodded to the green one’s question, and they all jumped,
when some unknown force dragged them back.
Naru was hanging onto their only clothing. “Take me with you! Take me with you ugly butts!”
“DDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…!!!!!” horrified, the youmas tried to yank off Naru, to not
much avail. “HELP USSSSSSSSSSSS…!!!”
"....SSSSSS!!!” Something crashed through the roof and Nephrite looked up, surprised. “They’re here
already?” he murmured and saw the three youmas, then was about to ask for the crystal… THEN he saw something
really, really horrible.
“NNNNEEEPHRITE!!!!!!!!!!!” Naru knocked off all the youmas and ran toward Nephrite, who looked horrified.
“NOOO!!” suddenly, he found a tree stuck in his stomach. “What the…” he thought about it for a moment, and FINALLY
figured out that it should be those wonderful authors trying to save him from Naru. He decided to pretend that he
was dying. “Naru…I’m dying…” he said, then added in a whisper, "...I hope..."
“Wait, I’ll save you!!” Naru started pounding on the tree, and when it didn’t work, tried to pull it out.
When THAT didn’t work, she started kicking it.
“Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch…!” the youmas, sweatdropping, watched Nephrite scream.
Nephrite was on his knees while Naru was cutting the tree with a lazor blade now. He was begging to the
youmas.
“Please? Kill me! I’ll give you the power of the stars!”
“That sounds cool, but we’re kinda too tired…” one of them said.
"Even at a discount price?"
“Um, yeah, it was in our contract that we shouldn’t exactly KILL you, but just make you go almost dead,” some
other one of them said.
Then Zoisite appeared in the thin air, holding a copy of the script. “…then the cool Zoisite-sama comes
here and kills Nephrite…and get the kuruzuishou! Cool….”
Nephrite sweatdropped. “Um…weren’t you just supposed to throw some nasty comments and go away instead of
killing me?”
Zoisite grinned. “I thought you wanted to die?”
“YES!” Nephrite was quick.
“Well, let me blast you now, in that case, and then-“
“Hold it RIGHT there!” A very babyish voice came from nowhere, and who else could it be but the Sailor
Senshi?
“Who are you?” The youmas said, in a not-very-surprised tone. They were kinda hoping they could just start
fighting.
“I’m Sailor Moon, the champion of..." Everyone began sweatdropping as her voice had suddenly become lower
and lower. "Oh, no, I'm out of gas!" she cried, then pulled out a helium-filled balloon and started introducing
herself again. "Ai no seigi no-" Then she paused, realizing her voice was way too high. "Man, this sucks! You
all suck!" she cried, as everyone had begun laughing at her. "*Ahem.* I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice! On
behalf of the Moon, I shall right wrongs, and triumph over aaaaallll evil! That means you…..I think. Um, Mercury?
Is that right?”
Mercury turned on her goggle-like visor and started typing in her mini computer for a while. The screen
beeped, and Mercury sweatdropped. “Um… it’s short on batteries.”
“HEY!!!” Everyone shouted.
“I’ll go get some, so wait RIGHT here!!” With that Mercury ran off in the direction of a supermarket,
with money in her hand and all.
It was an hour later that Merucry came back with two AA sized battery. Meanwhile, Zoisite was practicing
his laugh by recording it and listening to it, to make the perfect annoying laughter. Nephrite was trying to stay
alive until the Sailor Senshi would kill off the youmas so that he could go on with the original script, which was
to tell Sailor Moon ‘I guess your secret would be safe’. Moon was looking at the three sweatdropping youmas, in a
feeble attempt to find out whether they were the bad guys or not. Mars was just standing around, keeping Naru away
from Nephrite.
“Okay, this is going to take some time…” Mercury murmured as she typed in her computer for 10 more minutes,
making everyone bored.
“I figured ou-"
"Oh, no!" on of the youmas cried. “I’m... bored. Please- don't forget me...” The youma yawned, then turned
to ash. The other two, with a frightened expression on their faces, yawned as well, and disappeared into oblivion.
“What…the…” everyone sweatdropped,
“I know!” Mercury snapped her fingers. “I just figured out that they were the bad guys, so now I’ll do an
analysis on WHY they just disappeared like that!” She took out her mini computer again, when a giant, black anvil
came down from the sky.
“Hey, what the…!” Mercury was pinned down to the ground, as two figures mesmerized next to the anvil.
“You’re taking too long,” one of them said.
“YEAH! It’s about time Nephrite died, you know.” Cheryl casually said and pointed her BiC pen at Nephrite,
who doubled-over in pain.
“Hey, WHO gave you the right to kill off Nephrite? He’s my favorite general, HELLO?!” Michelle started
whacking Cheryl and those two disappeared to somewhere, while the more ‘responsible’ *ahem* guys went on with the
script to save the time.
“Neeeeeeeephrite... noooo…” Naru cried, as she knelt down by his side.
“Naru, do me a favor….”
“Anything, my love. Anything.” Naru whispered in a hoarse voice to Nephrite.
“Hey, that sounds too familiar.” Suddenly, the two authors again made their entrance to the fanfic,
scaring all the characters.
“Yeah... wasn’t that the exact line Kunzite said in the NA version of Sailormoon?” Cheryl scratched her
head in confusion.
“That’s sick. How does she know that, anyway?”
“I KNOW! I know! I’m having the time of my life here now, so go already! Nyah!” Naru pushed the
authors into the Sailor Senshi, who all fell on the ground pathetically
“Naru…do me…a…”
"Yeah, yeah, so what is it?” Naru irritably hit Nephrite on the back, who started to choke. He choked
and choked and choked and choked. Then he choked more. Then he-
“WILL YOU LAME AUTHORS GET ON WITH IT?!” The readers angrily started throwing foods at the two
RESPONSIBLE authors.
“Okay, okay!”
"Would you... p-please... get... offa... me..."
Naru turned an ugly red, then grabbed a mallet from nowhere. "Why you ugly old bastard!" she cried,
malleting him repeatedly. "How DARE you say something like that?!?! After all we've been through! Listen you- as
soon as you're well I'm going to beat the crap out of you until you-"
"Um.... Naru...." one of the senshi said, pointing to the bug-eyed Nephrite.
"I….I…” Nephrite choked for the last time, and he stopped talking. He had stopped breathing.
"Ne-Nephrite…?” Obviously shocked, Naru held his body and cried. “No! Who did this to him?! Come out
NOOOOOOWW!!” (Meanwhile, the authors are hiding under their desks, pointing at each other. ‘It’s not me! It was
HER idea!!’) The senshi silently pointed at Naru but dared not say out loud when they saw something very…unusual.
Naru was crying.
“Naru-chan…” Moon whispered and her head dropped, obviously ashamed of herself at not being able to save the
bad guy.
“You are NOT supposed to-“
“Shut up, Mars! I’m upset!!” Moon shouted. “I don’t care whether he was bad or evil…….he was a good human
bean (or was he?), and…” Moon paused and looked up to see the light that shined brilliantly before her. Her two
friends looked as well.
“Wow…” Moon sighed dreamily, all her grievances forgotten, as she saw those rainbow-colored bubbles going up
to the sky from Nephrite’s body.
“Hey! MY bubbles aren’t THAT pretty! Not fair!” Mercury pouted.
“That would go perfectly well with my beautiful hair if I could make it into a hairband...” Mars said with
hearts in her eyes, and the three *responsible* senshi frantically jumped up and down, trying to grab as many bubbles
for themselves. Naru stared at the ascending bubbles, while Nephrite slowly disappeared, without having fulfilled
his wish to say, ‘Please tell the world….that…I love Cheryl-sama and Michelle-sama….I meant, Michelle-sama and
Cheryl-sama…’
“Alright, that’s it!” Cheryl kicked the chair Michelle was sitting on, who fell face-first onto the floor
with her desk on top. The whole English class was staring at them.
“Um…hehe…” the two sweatdropped while their classmates shook their heads, commenting about how those two girls
should have come from Mars or something. As soon as the others reverted their gaze back to the teacher, who was
sweatdropping as well, Michelle whacked Cheryl on the head with her notebook. “What NOW?!” Michelle screamed.
“This is a serious death scene here, you dork! You just HAD to change his words so that YOUR name comes
up first, ne?” Cheryl murmured to herself in a very insane way, and turned around. “Besides, you shouldn’t be
doing something else in an HONORS English class!”
“Oh, look WHO’s talking!!!” Michelle angrily shouted. “So what were you doing, looking at me writing the
fanfic?! Look, now you’ve messed up the nice ending I have been planning for the past…..um…..ten minutes! Yeah,
that’s it!”
“You’re right, that’s it…” the two authors of SM:TMT looked up to find a pissed-off teacher glaring at them,
with fire in the background.
“Go stand in the hallway! NOW!!! Both of you! And never come back here until tomorrow!!!”
“COOL!!” Both of the ‘delinquents’ shouted in joy as they raced out to the hallway, and eventually into the
English Resource Center Computer Lab. They did a high-five and started typing in the ideas for their next SM:TMT
episodes, while the whole English class was staring after them, completely loss at words.
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