The Rules of Anime (by Meeshy):

1.Mallets are easy to wield despite their ridiculously large size.

2.There is no such thing as overkill. Period.

3.Rampant lesbianism needs no excuses.

4.No one ever finds it strange if you can spontaneously change genders.

5.The more maniacal the character, the more freaky the laugh they have.

6.Parallel worlds are everywhere; you just need the right transdimensional portal to find them first.

7.No matter how many times it gets wasted, no matter how badly it's annihilated beyond belief, even if all that remains is a 100 foot crater in the earth, Tokyo will be able to rebuild itself into a massive techno-advanced metropolis in under 20 years.

8.Everyone you know has a psychic power but you. That, or you're the most powerful one of them all.

9.The seemingly innocent and ditzy girl next door is no doubt a magical girl who dons some kindof dumb get-up and goes around fighting for love and justice (apparently that's a matter of principle for magical girls).

10.You can never have too many guns (or mecha).

11.If you're under 17, you can pilot the mecha of your choice. In fact, you're obligated to pilot it.

12.Anything robotic will at one time or another go berserk and run amok across the city.

13.Naughty tentacles are a fact of life. Live with it.

14.All guys falls into 3 categories: they're either fragile and sensitive, lecherous morons, or sassy and smart.

15.If the situation looks bad, simply jump to an eyecatch/commercial. That'll give you more time to think up an ingenious plot device to escape and save the day.

16.Trained soldiers working for the villains still can't aim. I guess some things never change.

17.Your sword can *never* be too big.

18.It's not the size of your flying battleship that counts. It's how you use it.

19.All girls fall into 3 categories: either they're innocent & demure, likeable airheads, or the kind who'll viciously kick your ass on a whim.

20.The more a girl likes you, the more violent she gets. If she's fallen in love with you then you're as good as in a body cast.

21.When it comes to a romantic twist, it's always the guy who finds himself with numerous female contenders to be his girlfriend. The girl, on the other hand, is just being indecisive about 2 guys.

22.The more girls you hang out/live with, the less chance you have of getting laid.

23.Never be the one with the pure heart, they're always the first to be sacrificed.

24.No matter who you are, where you are, your son or daughter from the future will inevitably appear.

25.Being killed never stops you from being a reoccurring character. Hell, sometimes it's the starting point for the plot.

26.If she's a babe, and she's in battle armour, she can kick your ass no matter how powerful you think you are.

27.You must have a disgustingly cute mascot to accompany your adventures. It's the law.

28.Hair that sticks out all over your head like an overcaffeinated porcupine needs no excuses. Hair does not like physics.

29.Never send a man to do a job a 10 year-old boy genius can do just as good if not better.

30.Armageddon is just an episode away. And everybody seems to be involved with the conspiracy no matter who they are.

31.Idol singers are everywhere. They're even worse than Santa Claus. The largest infestations are in places with a high robot or mecha count.

32.The villains you're up against are almost always dressed in some of the weirdest clothes. You have to wonder if they dress in such dumb outfits just so that they can implement their plans while the hero's killing themselves on the floor laughing.

33..As a magical girl, you must always have some really long-winded speech. It also has to be as long as your transformation scene. And don't worry; during both the speech and the transformation, the villain will never even consider attacking you lest he violate his contract.

34.Guys, if you see a nekkid girl your nose will bleed no matter how hard you try to stop it.

35.The older you get, the more perverted you are.

36.Girls, if you're fighting evil forces your boyfriend will wind up getting captured and becoming your enemy. That, or he'll get possessed by a demon.

37.Naughty, naughty megalomanic! Trying to take over the world with outlandishly insane plot devices or mechanical gimmicks never solved anything!

38.The Tokyo police forces can't do jack-all no matter how hard they're trained. The top-secret special forces units, however, will do the job perfectly and still be home in time for the evening news.

39.No matter where you are, if you're the hero fighting evil then a television or radio broadcast will suddenly announce a news story that directly affects the plot device you find yourself in today.

40.Don't panic when your pet talking to you. It just means you're about to starting fighting for love and justice while sporting a really lame get-up and making hideously cliched speeches. Hmm...then again maybe you should panic.

41.The "Bounce" must be in effect for at least one girl in your adventures. This allows for the other women to obsess about their breast size.

42.No, that's not the Eiffel Tower, you moron! We're in Japan, and that's the Tokyo Tower...and for some reason it's the central vortex for deciding the fate of the world no matter what you do.

43.As a part of your contract, when you're overexcited you launch into super deformed mode and wildly dance around the room.

44.Either you're the best cook ever , or you can't cook to save the world. There are no in-betweens. There never were.

45.Even if they are more than capable of defeating you, the villain will send an obviously inept monster o' the day to attack you and then conveniently leave so you can kick the monster o' the day's ass in privacy. And the villains wonder why they've never been able to defeat you?

46.When you run out of ideas, consult the manga/comic book your show was based on. That should give you some options to try out.

47.If you're charged with the task of protecting the world from utter and absolute destruction, you must react in one of two ways: openly embrace it and ask what weapons you get to use to kick someone's ass with, or else whine and complain and annoy your fellow allies to the point of where they just want to slap you silly.

48.If you're a magical girl, your classmates will be absolutely clueless that you're the alter-ego of the heroine they admire--no matter how incredibly obvious your hairstyle and appearance is.

49.Since Tokyo's going to be magically rebuilt in 20 years, make sure that when you annihilate it, the apocalypse is as memorable and original as possible. Mass Destruction needs no excuses.

50. You will meet at least one cross-dresser. They'll prolly be even better looking than you.

51.No matter how good a character you are, no matter how great your show is,someone out there will write a hideously bad fanfic about you. And it will hurt. A lot.

52. Always keep an eye on & makes friends with the new kid with blue hair.

53. Smart, quiet kids are closet perverts.

And finally....

54.Everything is combustible/explosive. Rocks, stone buildings, solid steel structures. ANYTHING. If it's in an anime, it can burn.

By Meeshy (with Folly of the Sorceresses)
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