94. Pure na kokoro wo mamore! Teki mikata mitsu tomoe ransen


	Usagi was skipping down the street, as usual, with Luna close at her 
heels.  "Lalala...I don't think I'll study today...or any day, for that 
matter...perhaps I should go on a date with Mamo-chan".  The blond, 
odango-ed girl's eyes filled with hearts at the thought.  "Maybe he'll buy 
me a sundae!  Or two!  Or three!  Or..."
	Luna was sweatdropping.  "Hmm..." she mused.  "If Usagi 
*accidentally* got killed someday, I wonder if the future Sailor Moon would 
be any smarter".
	Meeshy appeared out of thin air and waggled her finger at the black 
cat.  "Don't you DARE.  Then Chibimoon will show up and torture us ALL".
	Michelle appeared next to her.  "Well, actually, that depends on how 
far we go into the future, and whether we're talking about the anime or 
manga.  Sailor Cosmos is a real cutie, and smarter than Sailor Moon 
anyway..."
	Usagi threw her a dirty look.  "I'm not that stupid!!"
	"Can you spell it?  'Stupid', I mean," Cheryl asked as she entered 
the fanfic, smiling smugly.
	Usagi thought for a moment.  "Of course.  S...T...Y...no, I mean 
Q...U...X-no, I mean...um...uhh..."
	While Usagi racked her brain (and Cheryl laughed at her), Michelle 
noticed Mamoru riding by on his motorcycle.  An evil idea occured to her.  
"Heh, heh, heh..." she laughed, snatching Meeshy's pen out of her hand.
	"Hey!" Meesh protested.  "Give that back!  You have your own!!"
	"Nuh-uh!  Cheryl took mine!"  They both turned to glare at Cheryl, 
who shrugged.
	"It's not MY fault I lost the other one..."
	"WHAAAAAT?!!  You LOST one of the pens?!!" Meeshy shrieked.  
"Takeuchi-sama is going to KILL you!!"
	Cheryl stared at the enraged author in shock.  "Um...hehe...I have 
to go now..."  She backed away.
	"Hey!  I never said you could leave!!"
	Michelle shook her head at the quickly departing authors (one more 
quickly than the other...) and sighed. She scribbled something in the air.  
"Hey Usagiiiiii!!! There's Mamo-chan!!"
	Usagi, being the airhead she is, looked up several minutes later.  
"What?  Mamo-chan?  Where?!"
	"Right over there," Michelle replied, concealing an evil grin.  
Usagi ran over to Mamoru, screaming at the top of her lungs (to the dismay 
of the entire world--Meeshy).
	"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammo-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa--" she stopped short.  
Another girl was riding on the back of Mamoru's motorcycle.  "Who's that?  
And what's SHE doing with MY Mamo-chan?!!"  Usagi stormed over to the 
motorcycle and grabbed Mamoru by the front of his shirt.  "Hey!  You're 
cheating on me again, aren't you?!  AREN'T YOU??!!!"  She yanked him off 
the motorcycle and proceeded to beat him over the head with her Moon Rod 
(or whatever it's called).  "It's bad enough you fell for Chibi Usa, but 
now you cheat on me with some high school skank?!!"
	"Hey!!" the girl on the motorcycle yelled.  "Whaddya mean 
'skank'?!!"
	Usagi paused and looked up, recognizing the voice.  "Oh, it's you, 
Unazuki!!"  She tossed the Moon Rod away and stood up.  "But what are you 
doing here with Mamo-chan?"
	"Motoki forgot his Prozac at home, so I have to bring it to him," 
she answered boredly.  "Plus, Mamoru us just soooooo cute!!" she cried, 
swooning.
	The sounds of the three authors' gagging offscreen muffled out 
every other noise for the next few minutes, to the dismay of the sound 
technicians.
	Usagi and Unazuki, after a few hours of bickering, decided to 
leave the unconscious Mamoru laying by the side of the road and went to 
go buy some coffeine.


	Michelle whacked Meeshy over the head with the BiC pen.  "This 
isn't Star Wars!!  People in Japan don't drink coffeine!!"
	"So?!!"  Meesh snatched back her pen and kicked Michelle out of 
sight.  She turned back to her computer and resumed spell-checking the 
episode, which had taken her all of the previous morning to finish typing.  
She sighed and pressed the "undo" button to remove the word "coffeine".  
To her horror, the entire episode disappeared from the screen.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"


	Back in Tokyo, Usagi was sitting in the coffee shop with Unazuki, 
eating a bowl of ice cream the size of Kentucky.  "So, Usagi," Unazuki said, 
twirling her straw around in her Coke.  "Have you ever...you know, locked 
lips with Mamoru?"
	Usagi started choking on her ice cream, to the delight of 
Anti-Moonies everywhere.  "What?!" she exclaimed, turning a peculiar 
shade of red.  "That's none of your business!!"
	"So?" Unasuki asked.  Then she changed the subject.  "Hey," 
she said, lowering her voice.  "You think that when there is an English 
dub of this series, they'll keep this episode?  I'm a little worried 
about those DiC censors deleting my air time..."
	Suddenly, screams of "DiC?!!  AGGGGGHHHH!! Where?!!!" were heard
from offscreen.  Loud, gagging noises and the sounds of dead bodies 
hitting the floor soon followed.
	Usagi sweatdropped and tried to return to the original conversation.
 "What about you, Unazuki?  Have you ever kissed a guy?"
	"No, but there's this one guy I really like.  His name's Mam--I 
mean, 'Joe'".
	"So why haven't you kissed him?!" Usagi exclaimed.  "You--"
	She was interrupted by a derisive snort.  "Silly little girls," 
Haruka laughed from behind them.  "Love is overrated".
	"Yes," Michiru agreed.  "Only the money matters".
	"Money?" Haruka asked, turning towards her.
	"Yes.  Why do you think I'm hanging around with you?  You didn't 
think I actually LIKED you, didya?"


	Down in the deep, dark, not-so-secret Death Busters' hideout, a 
shadowy figure was working in the laboratory (as usual--Meeshy ^_^), 
laughing insanely.  Kaolinite entered the lab, her arms weighed down with 
shopping bags.  She plopped down into a large armchair, exhausted.  "Whew!" 
she sighed loudly, interrupting the insane laughter.  "Shopping for 
decorations is so much work!  Um, Professor Tomoe, I hope you don't mind 
if I used your paychecks to purchase all of this..." she ventured, then 
brightened suddenly.  "But it will be worth it when you see the entire 
laboratory in lovely lavendar tones!"
	"Excuse me," the shadowy figure began, turning around.  "Do you 
mind?!  I'm trying to finish a 'very important project' here!!"
	Kaolinite peered closer at the figure.  "Hey, you're not Professor 
Tomoe!"
	"He went on strike," the figure said.  "Claimed someone was using 
up his paychecks".
	"Um...hehe..."
	The figure stepped into the light, revealing a short old guy, with 
no hair and really big eyes.  "I'm his replacement.  The name's Happosai 
(Ranma 1/2).  But you can call me 'Oh Great One'".
	Kaolinite rolled her eyes.  "Listen, you..."
	Happosai eyed her curiously.  "Say, you're pretty cute.  Whaddya 
say I treat you to dinner?"
	"Get away from me, you old letch!" Kaolinite shrieked.  
"Replacement or not, we have a mission here!!"
	Happosai picked up his 'very important project' (which happened to 
be a ham-and-cheese sandwich) and took a big bite.  He chewed thoughtfully 
for a moment.  "I've been looking over those mission plans, you know, and 
I've come to the conclusion that they have no real purpose".
	Kaolinite shrugged.  "And that surprises you?"
	"Anyway," he continued.  "I've come up with a new purpose.  It has 
come to my attention that the young girls in this fanfic actually have 
MORALS and STANDARDS".
	From offscreen, Cheryl and Michelle began laughing hysterically.  
"The senshi have morals??" Michelle giggled.
	"That's news to me," Cheryl agreed, wiping tears of laughter from
her eyes.
	Old Happosai ignored them.  "It also seems that they are immune to 
my irresistable wit and charm".  This caused the authors to laugh even more.
 Happosai glared at them.
	"And you want to steal their pure hearts just so you can flirt with 
them?  Pervert," Kaolinite muttered.
	Happosai grinned.  "Yup.  Now, daimon," he said, directing his 
attention to the egg on the table.  "Steal the pure hearts of all the 
pretty girls in this city!  Then bring them to me!!"


	Meanwhile, Usagi & Co. were walking down the sidewalk, wondering 
if something was supposed to happen.  Suddenly (gasp!), a rather 
harried-looking author goddess ran up to them.  "Um, hi guys," Meeshy 
ventured.  "I haven't been *too* evil to you all yet, right?"  She crossed 
her fingers.
	The others exchanged a confused glance.  "Well, you're relatively 
new, so I guess not..." Ami answered slowly.
	"What are you getting at?" Rei asked suspiciously.
	Meeshy shifted her weight uncomfortably.  "Uh...well, could someone 
please tell me what's been going on in this episode?  I accidentally deleted
the whole thing on my computer..."
	"Don't look at me," Makoto said quickly.  "I haven't been here at 
all".
	"Me, neither," said Minako, shoving 10 pieces of gum into her mouth 
at once.
	"How can you do that?" Rei demanded.
	"I've been going for the record," Minako answered.  "Once, I blew a 
bubble that was 200 feet across!"
	"Must be because her head is full of AIR," Makoto murmured to Ami, 
who giggled.
	"Hey, I HEARD that!"
	"Excuse me, guys, but what about my episode?  Cheryl and Michelle 
will KILL me if they find out I deleted it," Meesh complained.
	"Really?" Minako asked hopefully.
	Meeshy glared at her.  "It was a figure of speech, you dolt!"
	"Not in this fanfic," Rei murmured.
	"Usagi was here the whole time.  Ask her what happened," the 
ever-helpful (NOT!-Meeshy) Ami suggested.
	"I was here what whole time?" Usagi asked, gazing at the clouds.  
"Ooh, pretty..."
	Ami sweatdropped.  "On the other hand, maybe you'd better go ask 
Unazuki".
	Meeshy snapped her fingers.  "I've got an idea.  Why don't I go 
ask Unazuki?  How brilliant of me..." She disappeared in a puff of smoke.
	All the inners:  "......"


	When Meeshy finally reached Unazuki, it was too late.  The daimon 
was already crouched over her, heart crystal in hand.  "Hey!!" Meesh 
yelled.  "Give that back!  I still need to ask her about my episode!!"
	The daimon laughed and ran away from the infuriated author.  
"Nyah-nyah, I've got the crystal!" it shouted gleefully.
	"Oh, pooh.  Now I have to waste MY precious time and energy 
chasing him...her...whatever".  A light bulb clicked on in her head.  
"Tadaaaa!!" she shouted, pulling out her pen.  "I'll just draw Uranus and 
Neptune, and THEY can go deal with that daimon!"  She pulled out a piece 
of paper and sat down in the middle of the road.  "Hmm...okay, now Uranus 
is the one with long orange hair, right?  And Neptune's is brown..."  
She scribbled on the paper for several hours.  "I'll just add some purple 
ribbons here, and...presto!!"  Suddenly, Uranus and Neptune appeared out 
of nowhere.  But something was horribly, horribly wrong...
	"What the hell?!!" Uranus demanded, looking at her fuku.  "Since 
when do I wear polka dots?!"
	"Why is my skirt past my knees?" Neptune wondered.  "And what's 
with all the purple ribbons?!"  They glared accusingly at Meeshy, who 
shrugged.
	"I never said I was a *good* artist..."  She paused, remembering 
why she had brought them there.  "Oh, yeah!  Go get that daimon!!"
	"Why should we?" Uranus asked.
	"Yeah, what's in it for us?  A nice, hefty raise might persuade 
us..."
	Meeshy sighed.  "Do you want me to make sure your sailor fukus 
STAY that way?"
	"Gee, Neptune, I suddenly feel motivated to go get that daimon".
	"Yeah, me too".  They disappeared.  Meeshy smiled with superiority 
and folded her arms with pride.
	Suddenly, she thought it felt a bit drafty.  She looked down and 
saw a short old guy lifting up her skirt.  "What are you DOING?!" she 
yelled, punting him an incredible distance away.  "Hentai freak!!"
	"Meeshy, there is no hentai allowed in this fanfic," Cheryl 
admonished as she and Michelle appeared out of thin air (or was the air 
thick?).
	"Then who let the old guy in here?!" Meeshy demanded.
	"What old guy?" Michelle asked.
	"THAT one," she said, pointing to the old man who was looking 
down Cheryl's shirt.  Cheryl turned red with anger and malletted the old guy 
into the pavement.
	Michelle peered closer.  "Hey, it's Happosai from Ranma 1/2!  What's 
he doing here?"
	"Filling...in for...Professor...Tomoe..." was the pained reply.
	"Well, where did HE go?"
	She was interrupted by a robot-like voice.  "Must-have-kiss".
	"Huh?"  They turned to look at Unazuki, who was suddenly awake.
	"Must-have-kiss.  Don't-care-who-it-is.  Kiss.  Must-kiss.  Must--"
	Happosai rubbed his hands together greedily.  "BWHAHAHAHAHA!!  My 
plan is working perfectly!!"
	"What plan?"
	"You pervert!!" Cheryl yelled.  "I'll censor you out!!"  She 
grinned evilly and pulled out two huge rubber stamps with the word 
"CENSORED" on them.
	Happosai gulped.  "Um...hehe..." He began to run, with Cheryl close 
at his heels.
	"Ah, THERE you are!" Meeshy exclaimed as two depressed-looking 
senshi approached them.  "Did you get the heart crystal?"
	"Yeah," Uranus said mournfully.  "The daimon died from laughter 
after looking at our outfits".  She burst into tears and flung herself 
onto the ground.  "My self-esteem!!  Nooooooo!!"
	Neptune patted her on the head.  "There, there, we'll just set up 
another appointment with you psychiatrist..."
	Meesh stamped her foot impatiently, causing several buildings to 
crash down around them.  "Will you give Unazuki that heart crystal?!  
I don't have all day!!"
	Neptune flung it at her in annoyance.  "Jeez, don't get your 
underwear in a bunch".
	Meeshy turned to the renewed Unazuki.  "I need to know what 
happened in this episode.  I accidentally deleted it while 
spell-checking..."
	Michelle spoke up.  "Uh, Meeshy, you emailed me a copy of it the 
other day, you know..."
	There was a pause.  "I did?  Oh, yeah...hehe..." She narrowed her 
eyes.  "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?!!!"
	"Um...eh...we wanted to let you suffer for awhile..."
	"WHAAAAAAAAT?!!!"  Suddenly, everyone was super-deformed and flying 
all over the screen while a certain angry author unleashed the Force on 
them. 


	Later that night, the senshi and Mamoru were sitting in the park.  
"I guess Unazuki got her heart crystal back," Makoto noted.
	"This sucks!  I hardly got ANY airtime!" Minako complained.
	"Me, neither.  But at least there aren't any more perverted old guys 
running around".
	"What are you talking about?  Doesn't Mamoru fit into that 
catelgory?" Rei snorted.
	"Huh?  What?" Mamoru demanded.
	"Well," Rei began.  "YOU'RE old, and you must be perverted if you're 
kissing Usagi all the time..."
	"WHAAAAT?!  I never touched her!!" Mamoru cried. "Who would WANT 
to?!!" 
	Usagi, who had been sitting quietly up until this point, turned an 
angry shade of red.  "Grr..."  The girls took one look at her and ran as far 
away as possible, leaving Mamoru to deal with the fire-breathing dragon 
before him.
	Mamoru coughed.  "Um..."  He tried to change the subject.  "The 
moon is very pretty tonight..."


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