Three figures huddled together in the darkness. "Are you sure they're coming?" one of them whispered.
      "Of course they're coming! They're the ones who chose this stupid place to meet."
      "You guys, what if they just got us together so they could get rid of us and give our air time to Usagi?"
      Everyone stared at Ami in horror, then made a mad dash for the door. The door opened, and everyone crashed into a fourth figure. "Ouch!" she cried. "What are you idiots doing?!?!"
      "Get off of me! Rei, you're too heavy!"
      "WHO'S HEAVY?!?!"
      "Why can't we just-"
      Suddenly, a light flashed on in the other corner of the room, illuminating the face of an old witch. "There once was a girl who bought a china doll..."
      A mallet flashed and whacked the author. Another flashlight came to life, illuminating an author's face. "Now's not the time for ghost stories!" Michelle said, scowling.
      A second mallet flashed and whacked the same author. "Yeah, the story doesn't even go that way! The girl's father..."
      Michelle whacked Meeshy as well. "You guys!" Then she flashed her light at Cheryl, who was dizzly getting up from the floor. "Wow, you really ARE ugly..."
      Cheryl took out her own mallet and sent Michelle flying through the roof, letting light in. Taking off her mask, she sweatdropped as she eyed the senshi, who were in a tangled heap. Then she dusted off her mallet and put it away.
      "That night, the girl heard a voice in her sleep. "I'm on the stairs," it said, then the next day she woke to find the doll on her stairs. The next night, she heard it again. "I'm in your parents' room," it said, and that very night, here parents were brutally murdered. The girl burned the doll the next day and stayed at a friend's house. Again, the voice. "I'm in your friend's room," it said, and the girl woke to the sound of the creaking door. Her friend was gone, and the door swung open to reveal..."
      The door to the small room suddenly banged open to reveal a pissed-off Michelle carrying her mallet. There were screams, and abruptly there were three senshi-shaped holes in the wall. Michelle blinked. "What was that about?"
      "I have no idea..." Meeshy turned to look at Mako, the remaining senshi. "Why are you still here?"
      The girl shrugged. "I guess it didn't sink in yet. It was a good story, though. I liked the part where the girl's parents were butchered."
      "........."
      "But what happened at the ending? Did the doll come and hack the girl to pieces, too?"
      Still sweatdropping, Michelle turned to Meeshy and Cheryl. "Is this REALLY the girl we want in SM:TMT?"
      "I don't know, but at least here's our chance to kill her off..."
      "It might be hard, though, if the others hear about this..."
      "Um... you guys... I'm still here..." The authors paused and looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. "Does this mean you're going to kill me off? Can you at least tell me the end if the story first?"
      Cheryl waved her pen, and the disguise vanished. "Okay, if you do something for us, we'll make you the star of today's episode AND tell you the end of the story."
      "Really?" Her eyes brightened. "What do I have to do?"

      Haruka was speeding down the street on her motorcycle, hoping the police 1.) wouldn't pull her over for speeding, 2.) wouldn't figure out she didn't have a license to begin with, and 3.) figure out that she'd stolen the bike because she didn't actually have any money after Hurricane Michiru came by. Speeding made her forget all her troubles, because now she had to concentrate on not getting herself killed. The wind was light, quick, and intangible. 'If I could be the wind,' she thought, 'then Michiru couldn't beat me up and take all my money anymore.' She closed her eyes in thought, then imagined herself in the middle of a cornfield praying. Then she shook her head. 'Where the heck am I supposed to find a cornfield in Tokyo anyway?'
      She opened her eyes and suddenly realized that there was a girl in the street ahead of her, so she swerved to avoid her. Except then, the girl tripped- or was she pushed? Haruka thought she saw a suspicious hand pulling back behind a lamppost. The girl fell into her lap and Haruka lost control. The motorcycle swerved dangerously left, ran up a loading ramp, and flew up into space.

      Meanwhile, Mamoru was vainly trying to crawl away, while a leech clung to his legs. No, not a leech; it was a blonde mass of doom and destruction that was wrapped around him. "Thou'rt too young to wed! Thou'rt too young to know the meaning of true love!"
      "True love has no barriers!" Usgi proclaimed, hearts in her eyes.
      "This isn't true love!"
      "This love is truer than true love! We're DESTINED to be together! It even says so in my contract!"
      "This love dost have many limits!" Mamoru exclaimed, vainly trying to pry the girl off of him. 'For starters, I don't love thee!' he thought. Then a lightbulb lit over his head as an idea came to mind. Well, actually, it was the bulb of a streetlamp he was leaning against, but he had an idea anyway. "I'll only marry thee if pigs fly!" he said. "To prove our love is true!"
      Usagi sweatdropped. "When pigs fly?"
      "Um... yeah. Like in All Dogs Go to Heaven. It's an inspirational film."
      "Those were dogs."
      "Uh, all pigs go to heaven, too."
      "Oh." The girl relaxed her grip for a moment, then let go. "Okay!"
      Mamoru sighed in relief. 'Freedom!' he thought. Then Usagi squealled excitedly. "Look, Mamo-chan, a pig is flying! We can get married today!"
      He froze in shock, like a deer caught in headlights. "Wha-?" He looked up and squinted at the sun. Surely enough, a dark silhouette of something vaguely resembling a pig with wings passed across it.
      Usagi wrapped herself around him again, making him feel as if he were in a boa constrictor's grip. "Mamo-chan!"
      Mamoru broke into a sob.

      In another part of town, Meeshy was thinking about Maho Tsukai Tai while walking down the street. Suddenly, she heard a wierd sound- humming?- and looked up into the sky as a shadow passed overhead. "Look! It's the Bell!" she shouted.
      "Where?" Michelle looked up and squinted. "That's not the Bell, that's Demando-sama's ship!"
      "Demando's *dead*. That's the Bell."
      "Not here, he isn't. That's my Demando-sama coming to Earth. It's the Bell that's dead."
      "The Bell didn't die, it left Earth!"
      "The Bell got turned into a giant cherry tree! Demando-sama is here!"
      "Bell!"
      "Demando-sama!"
      "Bell!"
      "Demando-sama!"
      The two authors stared at each other fiercely, as electricity crackled between them. Then Meeshy broke the silence. "If it's the Bell, you can join the magic club."
      Michelle pouted. "That's not fair!" Then a devious smile crossed her face. "I'll join the Magic Club if you join Demando-sama's welcoming party."
      "So Demando is riding the Bell?"
      "Well... he does have magic..."

      Back in Rei's house, Ami, Rei, and Minako were watching E.T.. "E.T. is a much better movie to watch," Ami announced.
      Minako sighed. "I HATE ghost stories!"
      "I wasn't scared," Rei boasted. "If it came into my room, I could exorcise its evil spirit!"
      Ami and Minako sweatdropped. "Um, so why are you here?"
      The girl shrugged. "It IS my house, and you two are the ones who came here of all places."
      "......."
      "Besides that, I like watching E.T.."
      "Are you expecting aliens to go around flying on bikes or something?"
      "Hey, I *like* that scene!"
      Minako laughed. "You've got to be kidding," she said, pulling open the curtains. "It's not like that'll ever happen."
      Ami and Rei sweatdropped as they stared out the window. Minako followed their gaze and paled when she saw a strange figure on a bike flying past the sun. She slowly closed the curtains and turned around. "Let's do something else."
      "On second thought, I'm sick of E.T.."
      "Anyone for a game of Twister?"

      Cheryl looked critically at Haruka and Mako, tangled up on a heap on the ground. "That wasn't a very graceful landing. I thought this anime was Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon, or 'Pretty Soldiers Sailor Moon'."
      "'Pretty' doesn't mean 'graceful'," Haruka groaned.
      "And this is SM:TMT," Mako added, rubbing her sore back.
      "Well, I'm okay no da!" Cheryl cheerily said, putting on a Chichiri-like face.
      "Well, we're not okay no da!" Haruka and Mako echoed.
      Michelle and Meeshy suddenly appeared next to Cheryl, babbling something about evil bells of doom and destruction and diamond-worshipping cults while shaking her back and forth. "Wha-"
      "You've-got-to-join-the-Demando-fanclub-and-"
      "The-Magic-Clue-is-so-cool-we're-going-to-defeat-the-Bell-and-"
      "Demando's-here-to-save-the-world-and"
      "He's-coming-to-save-the-world-and-"
      "The-Magic-Club's-going-to-bring-him-to-Earth-and-"
      "We're-all-going-to..."
      Cheryl suddenly pulled out her mallet and whacked both crazed authors. "First of all, I don't care about evil bells because they're black and my favorite ones are silver bells and I've never liked diamonds because they're just carbon and they'll go up in flames and I like sapphires instead because blue is a cool color and..."
      "The other two authors excitedly talked while ignoring Cheryl rambled on aimlessly. "A Saffiru fan? Well, he is Demando's brother, and he did love his brother..."
      "...Green is sort of a cool color because it's bright and..."
      "That's it! Since Demando loved his brother, we his fans should love Saffiru fans like our own brothers and sisters!"
      "...Red is bright like blood, and black is bright like sunspots which really isn't great because plants like the sun, especially potatoes in Idaho..."
      "That's great! Except shouldn't we really be hoping that Demando's fans are mostly girls? My parents might be a little nervous if half the people I hung out with were gay. Hey, Cheryl, did you hear that? You're our honorary sister now, because..." Then they sweatdropped.
      "..and I say po-TAY-to and you say po-TAT-o, and I say to-MAY-to and you say to-MAT-o, but I think it's really stupid because tomatoes are red and if red had an 'a' in it, it would be 'read', and..."
      "Um... Cheryl..."
      "...Plants aren't supposed to be read, not unless you're some nutcase that babbles to plants that don't even bother to talk back unless you're an earth elemental-person, but I'm a wind elemental-person, maybe because I'm a Cancer and crabs like the ocean which likes the sky, except I'm not..."
      The other two authors shared a look, then whacked Cheryl with their mallets. "What was THAT for?!?!" she shouted, snapping out of her crazed state.
      "We're here to spread the word-" Meeshy said.
      "Because Demando-sama is here-" Michelle added.
      "And so the Magic Club is going to free him from the Bell-"
      "So he'll come to save the world from destruction-"
      "Or else make his fanclub really happy-"
      "And you're an honorary member since you're a Saffiru fan-"
      "So you're part of the extended family because they're family," Meeshy finished.
      "What do you mean, Demando's coming? And what bell?" Cheryl demanded.
      "That Bell!" Meeshy pointed, searching for the floating spectacle. "Well, it used to be there. It must be in another part of town."
      "It's holding Demando-sama captive, so we're recruiting people for the Magic/Demando-sama club, so we can free him. See? Look at this." Michelle pulled out a poster of a floating bell with Demando's face superimposed over it. 'THE TRUTH IS UP THERE', it read.
      Cheryl sweatdropped as Meeshy pulled out another poster, again with Demando's face in the background. This time there were the wands from Maho Tsukai Tai crossed underneath Demando, and eagle on either side of his face. 'I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH', it read. "We designed these ourselves! We have to go finish putting them up all over Tokyo now. See, we need people to join the club and make donations so we can pay off all the expenses of making the posters." She pointed down towards the bottom right hand corner. 'Paid for by the Magic Club/Friends of Demando-sama', it read.
      "Did you know you guys are insane?" Cheryl pointedly asked.
      "We're serious! We saw the Bell floating around carrying Demando-sama a minute ago!"
      "Can I ask you a question?"
      "Yeah, sure, what is it?"
      "It's an interrogative statement phrased as to determine an answer or to obtain more information about the specified subject. But that's not imporant right now." Meeshy and Michelle sweatdropped. "What I want to know is, where was this Bell of yours? What did it look like?"
      "Um... well, it looked like a Bell. Or at least some dark blob in the sky passing by the sun and over Tokyo," Meeshy answered.
      "You mean, this Bell?" Cheryl said, gesturing towards Haruka and Mako, who were sitting up and sweatdropping now.
      "What- you mean that there wasn't any Bell at all? That Demando-sama isn't really here?" Michelle demanded.
      "No Bell? No Magic Club?" Meeshy sadly asked.
      "It's really all their fault," Cheryl answered, as the other two authors began to think of cruel and unusual things to torment the two.
      "Uh, it really wasn't our fault. You see, I was riding my motorcycle peacefully down the street, when I was thinking about ways to escape Michiru-"
      "Did someone call me?" Michiru wondered, suddenly appearing behind Haruka.
      "AAAAAAAHHH!! Someone, help me get away from her..." Haruka scrambled to her feet and tried to leave, but she was too late.
      "Not so fast," Michiru said, tripping her partner and examining her hand. "You're hurt. And you've got a race to win tomorrow. You're not in any condition to go *anywhere*." Haruka sweatdropped, bewildered by the teal-haired girl.
      Mamoru staggered in, half crawling, trying to drag the extra half-ton weight attached to his leg. "Help ME get away from HER!" he cried. "Someone! Anyone! I beg thee! I'll do anything!"
      "Anything?" Michiru questioned, letting Haruka fall to the ground. "So, tell me, how much is freedom worth to you?"
      Mamoru, unfortunately not having known Michiru very well, didn't know what he was getting into. "Yes! Anything! Name your price! Just get her away from me!"
      She smiled evilly. "Okay, but remember, you said *anything* I want." Michiru stood up and straightened her dress, then walked over to Usagi, who was happily hanging on to her fiancee while fantasizing about being a princess. "Usagi-chan, I heard there was a shop on the other side of town giving away unlimited free ice cream..."
      "Really?" Usagi snapped out of her fantasy. "But if I leave, some evil guy might come and brainwash my Mamo-chan again, and then he'll go around saying he doesn't love me any more, even though he's really dying to marry me, since we saw pigs flying that came by and said we could get married..."
      'If I marry thee, then I really WILL die!' Mamoru thought. "Usako, if I marry thee, then the world will end with Chibi-Usa..."
      Usagi gasped and pulled back in horror. "He said the C-word!" she wailed, looking to the sweatdropping authors for help.
      "It's okay, she isn't even in this century right now," Michiru reassured.
      "That's good. Now I have to go see this ice-cream shop..."
      "Don't worry about that, he isn't going *anywhere*," Michiru sweetly said, snapping a ball-and-chain onto Mamoru's leg.
      "That's great! Okay, I'm off!" With that, Usagi took off, knocking trees and people over in the process.
      Everyone else was still sweatdropping. "For a moment there, I thought you were just going to hand me back over to her," Mamoru said, sighing with relief.
      "Actually, I am going to give you right back to her," she said, an evil glint in her eyes. "How else do you expect me to make a profit?" Mamoru looked up to the authors, begging for help.
      "Okay, okay, I'll help this time," Cheryl said, walking over to the pair. "There were no flying pigs, I guess you and Usagi don't have to get married." She didn't mention that she had her fingers crossed behind her back.
      "I'm free! Yes! Yes! Yes!"
      "Hey," Michiru interupted, grabbing onto his shirt. "You still owe me, though. I *did* get her away from you. And you promised to give me *anything*." Mamoru looked crestfallen. "So, where was I? Oh yeah, I want unlimited roses for my flower shop, and double the normal amount on Valentine's Day and in winter..."
      Makoto suddenly stood up, fists clenched in anger. "How could you! You broke hearts, scared the wits out of my friends, put a bishonen into debt, wasted the point of this episode, and sent me flying into space! For this I cannot forgive you! In the name of Jupiter, I will punish you!"
      "Um... who're you talking to?" Meeshy asked. Mako sweatdropped, because she was facing a tree while pointing up to the sky.
      "I didn't think you actually thought the others were your friends," Michelle added.
      "True, but..."
      "Broken hearts? And a bishonen in debt? I'm sorry, but I can't see Mamoru as a bishonen," Haruka apologized.
      "Um, Haruka, for you especially, I don't think you are supposed to see him as a bishonen," Michiru pointed out. Everyone sweatdropped.
      "And this is SM:TMT," Meeshy said. "The point of *every* episode is wasted."
      "Okay, okay, so there's all that. But what about me flying up like that? That has to all be *your* fault, since you're the authors," Mako argued.
      "Uh, this is all her fault," Michelle and Meeshy chimed, pointing at Cheryl.
      "Traitors," the last author muttered. "Well, I had nothing to do with it. *She* was the one who directly caused all these problems."
      Green-brown-sometimes-both eyes turned to Haruka. "This is all your fault?"
      "Uh, no! Really, just let me explain..." she quickly replied, waving her arms.
      "Oh, too bad! I need to beat up someone!"
      "Yes! Fight! Fight! Anyone care to place a bet, anyone? Admission is only $3,000, and 90% of each bet goes to me..." (For easier reading- I changed yen into $. -Cheryl)
      Haruka and Mako stared at each other, daring the other to make the first move. "You can't beat me. I'm the older and cooler, and I even have more fans than you do!"
      "That's not what's important right now. I was in this anime first, so I have the right to beat up anyone who comes in later!"
      "What am I, a freshman or something?" Haruka scowled. Finally Mako reached out and snapped the older girl with her finger.
      Haruka broke into tears. "Mommy!!! She hit me! WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Authors and senshi alike crashed to the ground in a mass of sweatdrops.
      "What kind of fight was that?!?!" Michiru demanded. "If you keep going at this rate, no one'll bother to come see the fights any more! I'll lose money! Now, get up and take your blows like a man!"
      "I'm a girl."
      "That's not important right now."
      Haruka sighed, then put up a tight face. "I didn't want to do this, but it looks like I have no choice." Then she rolled up her sleeves and walked up to Mako.
      "Oooh, it looks like Haruka, who had just gotten the crap beaten out of her, is standing up! She's going back for more! She looks really vicious and it's- ooh, I can't believe it! She's starting a sissy fight! She's..." Michiru looked down from the podium at the three authors, who were glaring at her. "What did I do?" she asked, shrugging with her microphone in hand.
      The two brawling girls wiggled fingers and flapped their hands at each other, shrieking like crazed chickens all the way. Finally Haruka turned heel and ran up to the sweatdropping authors. "She's being mean to me!" she cried.
      "This isn't fair!" Mako shouted.
      "I *know* it isn't fair! She's picking on me!"
      "She's the biggest coward I've ever met! Except for maybe the authors, since they keep dissappearing all the time-" Three mallets whacked the girl in harmony.
      "Oooohh... and it looks like Haruka is the winner!" Michiru cried, raising the stunned girl's arm up high. Then she rushed over to Mamoru. "Okay, since you lost the bet, you now owe me *twice* of all that you own!"
      "That's not fair! It was the authors who took her down!" he protested.
      "Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should've read the script more carefully," she said, holding out a copy of the episode's script. "Haruka was supposed to win from the beginning."
      "I never knew that! Hey, I wasn't even supposed to be in this episode!"
      "Hey, you snooze, you lose. Now pay up. I want all the money from your bank accounts tranferred tonight, and every single possession you used to have... unless you rent them from me, whereas I only charge you about $70.00 for each shirt for one day, $50 insurance, $20 replacement fee if lost, damaged, or stolen, and $30 late fee for every hour that it is overdue..."
      "Do you think we should be stopping this?" Meeshy wondered.
      "Who cares... it's only Mamoru," Michelle answered.
      "Oh, you've got a point. Never mind, then." She turned to Cheryl. "Wasn't Kaolinite supposed to appear this episode? And what about the youma? Mako's heart crystal?"
      "Hmm..." Cheryl walked over to the girl's crumpled form and took out her heart crystal. "Hey, everyone, see? No talisman. Okay?" She quickly gave it back to its owner before Michiru could grab it. "Okay, all done."
      "This really isn't fair, you know," Michelle accused. "What about the Witches 5? Professor Tomoe?"
      "Um... well, they're on vacation right now. They've got a lot of work to do in the later episodes."
      Suddenly Kaolinite and the youma appeared. "What do you mean, on vacation? We didn't get any air time at all!"
      "Yeah, that's evil! Being evil is our job! I'm going to take this to the Youma Union for this! Breach of contract!"
      "What do you mean, breach of contract? By definition, SM:TMT authors *are* evil! I mean, take her, for example. She's the center of all evil, the goddess of darkness, doom, and destruction, and she's radioactive, too!" Cheryl replied, pointing to Michelle.
      "Grr... COME BACK HERE!"
      "I want more air time!"
      "You tricked us about the Bell! Not fair!!"
      "Breach of contract!"
      "It's not my fault!"

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