Ami was sitting alone in the park, looking sad and forlorn. Cheesy music was playing in the background. "Oh, woe is me," she moped. "Oh, I am only a brilliant and perfect genius. Yet everyone calls me boring. They are wrong! I am the most perfect and intelligent of them all! I should have more airtime! Oh, woe is me!"
      Mamoru was walking accidentally (yeah, suuure...::grin::) by the park bench, looking around in confusion. "Where is that music coming from?"
      Ami saw him and grabbed him by the arm. "Mamoru-san, Mamoru-saaaaaaaan," she whined, her voice growing more and more like the annoying NA one. "Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm boring and prudish?"
      "Yes," Mamoru said without thinking, then kicked himself for it as Ami glared at him with fire in her eyes. "Uh...I mean, no, of course not," he corrected, adding a small, "not..." after it.
      "Don't you think a brilliant genius such as myself deserves more airtime than anyone else?" The cheesy music changed to a threatening tone, and Ami was looking dangerously at Mamoru.
      He cleared his throat nervously. "Um...yeah, suuure," he agreed, crossing his fingers behind his back. "You should have your own show".
      Ami sighed as the cheesy music grew louder and louder. "Yes, it's true. I deserve my own show. It could be called 'Cram School with Ami', or 'Mercury's Chess Challenge', or..." She reached out and grabbed the tails of Mamoru's shirt, preventing him from tiptoeing away. "Why is Usagi the star of the show? And why does she always get more airtime? And why is she the one who gets a boyfriend to slap around? It's not fair".
      "Of course it isn't," Mamoru lied, trying to sneak away.
      Ami jumped out of her seat. "I know! I'll steal Usagi's airtime in this episode and beat up HER boyfriend! That would be...you!" She turned and jogged after Mamoru, who was quickly departing in the direction of the sports club.

      Mamoru ducked into the boys' locker room by the pool area, breathing heavily and crossing his fingers. He hoped that psychotic blue-haired girl wouldn't find him in there. The sound of Ami's footsteps went past the door, and Mamoru breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm free..." He turned around and nearly jumped out of his skin.
      "Thought you could hide from us, eh?" Cheryl and Michelle stood back-to-back, glaring at him.
      "Um...what did I do to you?"
      "Nothing!" Michelle shouted. "But that's not important right now!"
      Mamoru gulped. "Um..."

      Ami stood by the edge of the pool and peered into the dark, evil-looking water. "Well, I suppose I should get wet as long as I'm here". She dipped a toe into the pool. "There. That should do it". Suddenly, she shivered as though something hideously evil had just entered the room.
      A delicate laugh echoed throughout the pool area. Ami turned to see Michiru leaning against the tiled wall. "Well, well, what have we here. I bet I'm a better swimmer than you".
      "Are not!"
      "Prove it, then. Let's race".
      "What, and ruin my perfect hair? The artists didn't draw it so short and ugly today!"
      Michiru sweatdropped. "Ookay...then how about tomorrow?"
      "Well, as long as no one else watches. I'm too modest about my gifts and my oh-so-beautiful body to let anyone watch me swim". Cheesy music began to play AGAIN as Ami danced gracefully around the room. "I'm just too lovely and intelligent for that..." she sang.
      Michiru began to laugh. "Yeah, about as beautiful as Haruka's face!"
      Ami began to fume. "How dare you insult me so!"
      "Hey!" Haruka shouted from the bleachers. "What did you just say about me?"
      Ami coughed. "Umm...nothing. See you tomorrow!" She ran off, Haruka at her heels.
      The camera zoomed in on Michiru's face. She was grinning and rubbing her palms together evilly. "HAHAHAHA!! The perfect opportunity! I'll invite the entire universe to this race...and charge them admission! I'll be rich!!"

      Later on, Michiru was strutting down Main St. in her bathing suit, smiling at everyone who walked by. She held a large sign over her head, advertising the upcoming swimming match. "I'm going to make so much money from this match! Money, money, all for me!" Then she paused. "But what if I lose? Then I'll have even less airtime...maybe there's some way I can get rid of that girl..."
      Suddenly, a demented-looking daimon jumped out of nowhere and started randomly attacking people. Michiru gave it a weird look. "Umm...according to the script, you're a little early. Not that I bother reading the script, of course".
      The daimon shrugged. "I don't get paid enough to follow a script".
      Michiru got an evil look in her eye. "Have I got a proposition for you. You see, there's this girl I want to get rid of..."
      "Let me guess," the daimon interrupted. "You want me to steal her pure heart and bring it back to some demented professor at your secret hideaway. That's what my last employer said".
      Michiru shook her head. "You daimons never succeed in getting heart crystals anyway. I have a better idea. I want you to steal one of the authors' magic pens and make Mizuno Ami forget how to swim. Then invite characters from other animes to my swimming match".
      "And the purpose of that is what?"
      "It's none of your concern".
      "You'd better be paying me a lot for this," the daimon grumbled.
      "Oh, yes," Michiru told it, crossing her fingers behind her back.
      "Good. Now where can I find one of those dumb authors..." The daimon suddenly noticed a short, brown-haired girl enter the nearby manga store. "Aha!"

      "What do you mean, 'Maho Tsukai Tai' isn't subtitled?!" Meeshy was shouting at the store clerk. "And why would I have to be 18 to buy it?! It's not THAT perverted..."
      Meanwhile, the daimon was crawling on his hands and knees, trying to steal the pen that was sticking out of Meeshy's back pocket. "Just a little more..."
      Suddenly, the daimon felt aware of an evil gaze. It looked up and noticed Meeshy glaring down at it. "What do you think you're doing?!"
      "Uh...umm..."
      "You were trying to swipe my pen, weren't you? Weren't you?!!" she demanded.
      The daimon gulped. "No, no, ah...I was just...borrowing it. So I could bring all YOUR favorite anime characters into the fanfic".
      "All my...why would you want to do that?"
      The daimon crossed its fingers behind its back. "Because you're such a beautiful, enchanting, wonderful author".
      Meeshy's face lit up. "Oh, really? Um, I mean, of course I am! I'm the most beautiful author of all! Mwhahahaha!"
      "Yes, you are," the daimon lied. "Which is why I want to invite all your favorite anime characters into the fanfic. To see a swimming match".
      Meeshy blanched and hid behind a magazine rack. "Um...I wouldn't have to swim in this match, would I?"
      "No...but we do need an announcer".
      Meeshy sighed with relief. "Whew! I have this psychotic swim coach who is convinced that I can swim butterfly, and she tries to make me swim it all the time, and did I mention that she's psychotic?"
      "I'll be right back," the daimon said, fearing one of Meeshy's long, rambling speeches. It returned a few minutes later with the pen. "Here ya go. Nice doing business with you...not". The daimon ran off, singing, "I'm in the money..."

      "Ladies and gentledorks, welcome to the 1st Annual SM:TMT Swimmming Competition! Although there's only two competitors, and they both suck, we're still charging a king's ransom!" The girl on the platform (a certain gorgeous brown-haired author) waved her microphone around emphatically as no one really paid attention to her. "Drumroll, please. I am now so unfortunate to have to present our two competitors, Mizuno Ami and Kaioh Michiru!" Cymballs crashed somewhere as the author goddess gestured towards the door to the girls' locker room. Nothing happened. "Uh...Mizuno Ami and Kaoih Michiru!"
      Again nothing happened. Meeshy was sweatdropping profusely. "Uh...guys?" She banged on the locker room door. "Hurry up!"
      Ami poked her head out. "Michiru's still counting today's profit. It might take awhile".
      Grumbling, Meeshy made her way back to the platform. "Well, folks, looks like you're just gonna hafta be entertained by the most beauiful girl in the world...me!" She threw off her towel to reveal a blue-and-white Speedo brand swimsuit.
      "I'm blind, I'm blind!" Several members of the audience fell out of their chairs, eyes covered and howling. Meeshy turned an angry shade of red and smashed them flat with a large wooden mallet.
      She heard a familiar snicker of laughter and turned to see Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev sitting in the front row. "What are you guys doing here?"
      "We bought tickets from this weird aqua-haired girl," the esteemed (ahem) sorceress replied. "She was muttering something about making lots of money..."
      Gourry shrugged, his blank expression revealing his true lack of intelligence. "I'm only here to see gorgeous babes in bathing suits. I don't see any, though," he added, looking around.
      Meeshy was about to kick the crap out of the surfer-like warrior, but Lina beat her to it. "How dare you! I am the only anime girl you're allowed to look at!"
      The author sweatdropped and turned to continue her 'entertaining', when she caught sight of a solitary figure sitting on the topmost bleacher seat. He wore a hooded white cloak and had a sword fastened at his hip. It was, no, not the Moonlight Knight, but..."Zel!!" Meeshy screamed at the top of her lungs, running up the bleachers. "Zel, Zel!!" She leaped into his lap, scaring the poor guy half to death.
      "Um...do you mind?" he asked softly, not wanting to anger the semi-psychotic author. However, he already had...
      "Of COURSE I mind!!" she yelled. "Unless you want to become a PERMANENT part of this fanfic, keep your mouth shut!"
      "Hey! You can't talk to MY Zel that way!" A black-haired girl in a white cape came flying out of nowhere and snatched Zelgadis away.
      "YOUR Zel? I think not!" Meeshy snatched him back, infuriating the little sorceress. And thus the game of tug-o-war began...
      It was at this point that Cheryl and Michelle entered the sports club. Their chins hit the floor in shock as they surveyed the large crowd of various anime characters. Cheryl was the first to recover. "What the @#$%^*&&!!! This wasn't in the script!"
      "Are any of these characters even from Sailormoon?! We leave the fanfic for just ONE MINUTE to watch my new FY tapes, and look what happens! Where's Meeshy?! I'll kill her!" Michelle shouted.

      Meanwhile, the accused author was still engaged in a fateful battle of tug-o-war (well, fateful for Zelgadis, anyway--Meesh ~_^). Suddenly, she felt a disturbance in the Force. Two glaring figures stood before her, fire in the background. Meeshy coughed. "UM...hehe..." She let go of Zelgadis and backed away. "Er...hi, guys...what's up?"
      "What's up? What's up?! Do you have any IDEA what you've done?!!"
      "Um...no...yes...well, um...is this a trick question?"
      Michelle turned red with anger. "Do you know how LONG it will take us to get rid of these extra characters?! Don't you remember what happened last time other anime characters came here?!"
      "Um...well...*cough, cough*...I, uh, gotta go...introduce the competitors!" Meeshy ran off to the platform. "Let the games begin!" She yanked Ami and Michiru out of the locker room and threw them in the pool. "There! Now swim or something!"
      Ami floated in the water for a moment before she started to sink. "Ohno! I've forgotten how to swim!" She flailed her arms wildly. "Someone save me!"
      "BWHAHAHAHAHA! BWHAHAHAHAHA! BWHAHAHAHA...bw...ha...ha...um, what are you doing?" Michiru tried to pry Ami's arms off her waist. "Stop that! You'll make me drown, too!"
      As they struggled, the camera cut to a view of Haruka sitting in the bleachers, eating popcorn and watching them with interest.
      Suddenly, a blond blur flashed past the cameraman, causing him to fall into the pool. Gourry ran to the edge of the swimming pool. "My beauties! I'll save you! As a warrior, it is my job to protect all girls that aren't Lina!" He jumped into the pool with all his armor on and attempted to swim.
      Lina's face was furious. The three authors saw it coming, blanched, and disappeared. The sorceress raised her hands in the air. Most of the characters saw this warning and fled for their lives. "Dragon...Slave!!!"

      Minutes later, the authors were surveying the now-demolished sports club and sighing. "Do you know who much this is going to COST us?" Cheryl whined.
      "At least it got rid of all those extra characters," Michelle noted. "Right, Meesh?" There was no answer. "Uh...Meeshy? Helloooo?"
      The third author was cuddling a burned-looking Zelgadis and cooing scarily. "Don't worry, Zel-sama, I'LL nurse you back to health!"
      Zel began to cry. "What did I do to deserve this?!!"

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